5 bullshit travel myths that you should just shut up about

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1. You are going to ‘find’ yourself on your travels.

Seriously, you are much more likely to get lost. Probably as soon as you arrive at the airport. Anyway, you really should know who you are before you embark on an international flight. Otherwise, you may find yourself having problems at customs.

For example:

Customs Officer: ‘Name?’

You: ‘I don’t know. I’m hoping to find that out on my travels.’

You’ll have a sniffer dog poking your anus in no time.

Sure, if you do enough stuff, then you’re certainly going to broaden your mind through experience, but don’t just fly away because you think you’re going to fall into some kind of Eat Pray Love scenario. More likely is that you’re going to get drunk a lot, do some things that you regret, maybe build an orphanage or two, but then fly home with the sinking knowledge that, actually, you knew who you were all along.

 

2. You are going to get thin from being constantly on the move and being too poor to eat properly.

Not in my experience, matey. Not having much money for food/having no kitchen to cook in equalled one thing for me: junk food. Sweet, DELICIOUS junk food. I put on, like, 6kg. I have since moved into a proper flat and have lost the weight once more (praise baby Jesus) but, still, definitely busted that myth by putting it to the test.

Also, even if you are poor, not having a job while you travel results in more time spent lounging around/thinking about food. Some days I’d go and get a burger just because it was the cheapest activity. Enter chubby Emma stage left. Gross.

 

3. It’s brave to travel

Shut up. It’s not. You get on a plane and then have a lot of fun not really doing much. It’s brave to save a baby from a burning building, not to go on an extended holiday.

 

4. It’s even braver to travel solo.

Nope. Sure, you have to sort out all the tickets, visas, how to get to your hostel from the airport etc when you’re going it alone, but you also don’t have to worry about catering to other people’s (inferior) wants and needs. If you’re travelling alone, you meet a hot guy and want to stay in town a few extra days? Stay. No one’s forcing you to move on. You think it’s a great idea to get as drunk as is physically possible without dying and then wake up naked on the beach with vomit all over your tits? Do it, you’re never going to see anyone who was there ever again. You just better hope they don’t find you on facebook and post all those photos they inevitable took. Nope, travelling solo isn’t brave; it’s selfish. That’s why I like it so much.

 

5. You’ll keep in touch with everyone back home.

No, a lot of them will quickly forget you. And what the hell is that making you angry about? YOU left THEM, remember? Most of the important people will stay in touch, of course (it’s unlikely that your mum is going to forget your name) and most fair-weather friends will simply evaporate. However, there are usually a few surprises either way. There are a couple of people I considered to be really close friends before I left, who I haven’t heard a peep from even though I sent them emails. I also a have few random not-so-close acquaintances that I still chat to at least once a week. Some people are just better at keeping in touch than others. Some people like you a lot more than they let on and, hell, some people like you less. Don’t be offended. Life goes on.

Anyone have any more to add to this? I can’t be bothered to think of any, right now, and five is a nice round number.

 

 

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About Emma

Having lived and loved in the chaotic city of London for the past five years, I've recently relocated to Wellington. It feels small. I've been here a few months already, but I feel like I haven't really given it enough effort. I've been to a few cool places and met some great people, but it's time to actually discover this place. The challenge I've set myself is to discover one new thing about the city each week. Whether it's a bar, restaurant, gallery, store, or anything else, I'm on the hunt for everything this pretty little city has to offer. Ideas and new suggestions are of course welcome (and begged for) along the way. whereinthewelly.wordpress.com

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